Friendship - thoughts to consider...

In teaching, I have often instructed students and learners that I believe the three most abused words in our English language are:

Love

Hate

Friend

I love Taco Bell.  I love God.  Love just cannot have the same magnitude of meaning in the first sentence as compared to the latter.  This week, the subject of friendship has been put before my face repeatedly. I have even been asked, "Lance, do you consider [insert names] to all be friends of yours?" Intimate question. Relevant question. Eye-opening question.

As I have pondered each of those names, praying through them intentionally, I believe He has given me several insights to share on the subject of friendship, especially as I have praised God for the friends He has placed in my life.

1.  "I don't need friends.  I'm perfectly fine on my own."  FALSE.  Friendship is an invaluable part of our walk through our time on this earth.  Community (even at different levels of intimacy and significance) is also essential for the growth and sanctification of the believer.  We need others.  Now, I'm not saying that we have to have a ton of friends or even a lot of them; unfortunately, Facebook has added to the distortion of the meaning of "friend."  But it is worth asking, if the Lord Jesus needed friends - good friends - how much more do we?

Mary, Martha, Lazarus.  Three siblings that were close to the heart of the Lord Jesus (see John 11:5).  Obviously then, it was the will of the Father for Jesus to have those relationships with them, for as we know, He did nothing more and nothing less than God's will.  Who are the people meant to be in my life?  In your life?

2.  The will of God must always come before the desires of friendships.  This is one of the hardest things with which I think Christians struggle.  I know that I put the "needs" of my friends before what I know the Lord desires me to do.  His will MUST trump what we think is best.  For example, when Lazarus, His friend, died, how would one suspect that Jesus would respond?  Immediate departure to be with grieving loved ones.  However, the Scriptures state that He waited four days for His arrival on the scene (see John 11:17).  Why?  Real friends would drop everything to care for their friends.  But, as the story unfolds, we learn that Jesus responded this way so that they "would see the glory of God" (John 11:40).  Do we put the will and glory of God before the will and desires of our friends?  May we always check to make sure God is the ultimate priority in our friendships.    

3.  True friends are willing to speak truth to one another no matter the cost.  Many times I have told my wife that I strongly dislike having to "always" share hard truth with people I love, or brothers I disciple, or friends in my life. Yet she is faithful to remind me that this part of my life is an extension of the ministry of Jesus Himself, who did share hard truth with others whenever necessary, whether friend or enemy.  As in the case again with Jesus and one of the before-mentioned siblings, Martha, Jesus rebuked her for being busy with many things.  As she prepared to serve Jesus, Martha missed the main point of sitting at the feet of Jesus as her sister, Mary, did; she listened and worshiped as He taught  (see Luke 10:38-42). Martha expected him to stand by her side and rebuke Mary for "laziness," but He stood by Mary.  For Mary did what was most profitable at that moment; Martha let anxiety consume.  Jesus spoke what was hard to build up and refine His friend.  Do we?

4.  On the other hand, true friends affirm and encourage when one is right or obedient.  As in the previous instance, not only did Jesus correct Martha, but He also affirmed Mary.   She was busy doing the right thing.  I think this is huge.  Affirming with what is right in the Lord's eyes, not necessarily what we think is right in our opinion or feelings.  We must encourage friends to know God's voice and walk accordingly, only then to offer words of affirmation after they follow through with His desires.  

5.  True attitude of friendship, as in the attitude of Christ, is not "Will you be my  friend?" but instead, "I will be your friend."  As Paul quoted Jesus in Acts, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35).   True friendships involve a giving of oneself for the betterment of another - it is not for the sole benefit of the betterment of self.  This is perhaps the one point that is tumbling most in the caverns of my thoughts and emotions.  In analyzing those that are or aren't to be in the inner circles of my friendships, this fact causes me to further consider how I am treating and loving others as a friend to them.  At the end of the day, am I really more concerned with who are my friends, or instead, what kind of friend am I?

I'm sure most of this is common sense Christianity for those experiencing genuine friendships.  However, I have just observed so much recently in my life and in the lives of others that would cause one to question the existence of authentic, truly selfless friendships.  

May Jesus do this work in me.  Make me a friend to others that honors His character.  May He do this work in us - so that He is MOST glorified through the display our Christian friendships present for the world.

The Heat is ON

At some points today, I'm pretty sure my body has undergone some temperature shocks as I have moved from the arctic tundra of my office to the blazing heat of southern Louisiana crouching at the door, waiting to consume me.  My body doesn't know whether to thaw out or chill out?!?!

What's interesting though...moving between church buildings or just sitting outside to read a bit (that would be a very, very small amount of time), I can sense the energy being zapped from inside.  Like the heat beckons any ounce of energy to escape my body from each and every pore, leaving me lethargic and almost lifeless in momentum.  And please understand, I KNOW there are so many in the heat.  All day long.  With no arctic tundra for an office or even air conditioning in which to momentarily rest...I simply mention this to paint a contrast of the climate around me.

So the heat settles in.  And besides the sweat pouring down, what else pours out and escapes?  First, my patience.  There it goes.  Next, my Christ-like attitude of contentment.  Complaining has taken hold.  Third, my will to honor the Lord by not letting the temperature gage my desire to do what He has called me to do.  Yep, the heat is too much.  Change of plans - on to my plans.

And at this point, I'm not talking about the heat measured in fahrenheit.  Now, I'm talking about the heat of circumstances that our Lord uses to refine our being.  The heat of intense situations that bring up from the depths within us the things we don't want to realize are still holding residence inside. It's like as the heat rises, so is the ease of putting on display the things we don't want to rise up in our flesh.  

So, as I wipe the sweat from my brow, I ask myself, as I ask you - should the temperature of the trials around us dictate how we respond in the heat?  Absolutely not.  If it does, we are functioning out of our flesh instead of the cool, refreshing life of the Spirit flowing from with us.  And so, within those trials and times that seem too much, when we must with everything within us hold fast to the Spirit of God strengthening us, perhaps we should remember God's Word in James 1:11: "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."  

I believe we can pass the test.  I believe we can withstand the heat.  I believe we can praise Him in the scorching nature of our trials.  And then, when we do get to chill in the calming springs of Christ, praise Him then also.

#4hisfame.

His Purpose Will Stand

Countless times I have felt that my efforts fall short of any form of magnificent ability to bring about the best results that could possibly come to pass.  No matter how much I study, prepare, plan, organize, save up, enlist, ask for help, cast vision, rest, stay busy, read, pray, disciple, be discipled, (and the list could go on) I find this law at work within me:

My efforts are never really good enough.  Never.

They might look good or seem beneficial, however, Scripture teaches that apart from Christ, as John 15:5 states, I can do nothing.  Nothing of any significant, lasting, eternal, valuable, meaningful, excellent, God-glorifying worth.

Now, I know that God blesses us with gifts and talents that we are able to function in on a daily basis; however, if we are totally relying on ourselves in a moment for success, our flesh will feed us lies to think that we can rely on ourselves more of the time...and more of the time...until we wind up like the world, and find ourselves trying to do life on our own.  Apart from Christ.  Apart from His Spirit's power.  Apart from God.

So, what can I say to offer hope in the midst of this ever-present condition of the human nature?  What can we focus on to know what God desires of us in the parts we play in His glorious plan of redemption and obedience?  I think what is best to quote would be Scripture itself.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." - Proverbs 19:21

"Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’ calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it." - Isaiah 46:8-11

I can rejoice in knowing that what God wants accomplished, nothing I can do or NOT do will keep Him from fulfilling His purposes. And, as I trust in Him and rest in Him, I can be even more confident that He will use the obedience we bring Him in love to bring about "everything according to the counsel of His will" (Ephesians 1:11).

Believer, today I encourage you to trust in the One who enables you to be filled with all wisdom and ability to obey for His honor and pleasure. And when you feel that you are not good enough, or that what you bring to Him is not good enough, remember that He is at work in you to do through you what He desires to take place. Praise Him today...His purpose WILL stand.

#4hisfame.