Friendship - thoughts to consider...

In teaching, I have often instructed students and learners that I believe the three most abused words in our English language are:

Love

Hate

Friend

I love Taco Bell.  I love God.  Love just cannot have the same magnitude of meaning in the first sentence as compared to the latter.  This week, the subject of friendship has been put before my face repeatedly. I have even been asked, "Lance, do you consider [insert names] to all be friends of yours?" Intimate question. Relevant question. Eye-opening question.

As I have pondered each of those names, praying through them intentionally, I believe He has given me several insights to share on the subject of friendship, especially as I have praised God for the friends He has placed in my life.

1.  "I don't need friends.  I'm perfectly fine on my own."  FALSE.  Friendship is an invaluable part of our walk through our time on this earth.  Community (even at different levels of intimacy and significance) is also essential for the growth and sanctification of the believer.  We need others.  Now, I'm not saying that we have to have a ton of friends or even a lot of them; unfortunately, Facebook has added to the distortion of the meaning of "friend."  But it is worth asking, if the Lord Jesus needed friends - good friends - how much more do we?

Mary, Martha, Lazarus.  Three siblings that were close to the heart of the Lord Jesus (see John 11:5).  Obviously then, it was the will of the Father for Jesus to have those relationships with them, for as we know, He did nothing more and nothing less than God's will.  Who are the people meant to be in my life?  In your life?

2.  The will of God must always come before the desires of friendships.  This is one of the hardest things with which I think Christians struggle.  I know that I put the "needs" of my friends before what I know the Lord desires me to do.  His will MUST trump what we think is best.  For example, when Lazarus, His friend, died, how would one suspect that Jesus would respond?  Immediate departure to be with grieving loved ones.  However, the Scriptures state that He waited four days for His arrival on the scene (see John 11:17).  Why?  Real friends would drop everything to care for their friends.  But, as the story unfolds, we learn that Jesus responded this way so that they "would see the glory of God" (John 11:40).  Do we put the will and glory of God before the will and desires of our friends?  May we always check to make sure God is the ultimate priority in our friendships.    

3.  True friends are willing to speak truth to one another no matter the cost.  Many times I have told my wife that I strongly dislike having to "always" share hard truth with people I love, or brothers I disciple, or friends in my life. Yet she is faithful to remind me that this part of my life is an extension of the ministry of Jesus Himself, who did share hard truth with others whenever necessary, whether friend or enemy.  As in the case again with Jesus and one of the before-mentioned siblings, Martha, Jesus rebuked her for being busy with many things.  As she prepared to serve Jesus, Martha missed the main point of sitting at the feet of Jesus as her sister, Mary, did; she listened and worshiped as He taught  (see Luke 10:38-42). Martha expected him to stand by her side and rebuke Mary for "laziness," but He stood by Mary.  For Mary did what was most profitable at that moment; Martha let anxiety consume.  Jesus spoke what was hard to build up and refine His friend.  Do we?

4.  On the other hand, true friends affirm and encourage when one is right or obedient.  As in the previous instance, not only did Jesus correct Martha, but He also affirmed Mary.   She was busy doing the right thing.  I think this is huge.  Affirming with what is right in the Lord's eyes, not necessarily what we think is right in our opinion or feelings.  We must encourage friends to know God's voice and walk accordingly, only then to offer words of affirmation after they follow through with His desires.  

5.  True attitude of friendship, as in the attitude of Christ, is not "Will you be my  friend?" but instead, "I will be your friend."  As Paul quoted Jesus in Acts, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35).   True friendships involve a giving of oneself for the betterment of another - it is not for the sole benefit of the betterment of self.  This is perhaps the one point that is tumbling most in the caverns of my thoughts and emotions.  In analyzing those that are or aren't to be in the inner circles of my friendships, this fact causes me to further consider how I am treating and loving others as a friend to them.  At the end of the day, am I really more concerned with who are my friends, or instead, what kind of friend am I?

I'm sure most of this is common sense Christianity for those experiencing genuine friendships.  However, I have just observed so much recently in my life and in the lives of others that would cause one to question the existence of authentic, truly selfless friendships.  

May Jesus do this work in me.  Make me a friend to others that honors His character.  May He do this work in us - so that He is MOST glorified through the display our Christian friendships present for the world.